


Dan and Phil Are Gay

by prxnxykxi



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, I know it's april, One Shot Collection, Soulmates, Spooky Week, drabbles from kai, fight me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2018-05-29
Packaged: 2018-10-14 07:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 9,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10531968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prxnxykxi/pseuds/prxnxykxi
Summary: This entire work is shit but like. You're still gonna read it aren't you?Yes you are :)





	1. Dan Gets Spooked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan keeps grabbing for Phil during their Spooky Week videos, Phil tells him to stop, Dan gets spooked.
> 
> I'm aware it's April. Fucking fight me.

It wasn’t like Dan  _ meant  _ to keep grabbing Phil. No, he definitely didn’t mean to. But it was a natural instinct. He would do it when he and Phil were watching a scary movie, or when Phil would sneak up behind him, or when he saw a bug in the house that looked absolutely terrifying.

 

It had begun to be more obvious when they were playing horror games, recording or not. Phil didn’t seem to mind until it was pointed out on one of their videos. 

 

“Dan, did you see this?” Phil asked, walking into the kitchen where Dan was riffling through the cabinets. Dan turned his head, a bag of crisps hanging from his mouth. He tilted his head in question. 

 

Phil held out his phone, showing Dan the particular comment. Dan’s face went red. “Sorry.” he managed as he pulled the bag from between his teeth.

 

“You’ve got to be more careful about that, Dan. You know how I feel about being open about, us, on our channels.” Phil said, completely serious. 

 

Dan nodded and opened his crisps, taking one between his fingers and popping it into his mouth. He knew Phil wasn’t comfortable about being open on the internet, but he really couldn’t help it. When he was scared, he reached for Phil. It wasn’t something he could control, but he would try. For Phil. 

 

\-----

 

Over the course of spooky week, Dan had gotten considerably less touchy with Phil. And, to be honest, Phil kind of missed it. He missed when Dan grabbed his hand out of frame, or when he would grab his upper arm out of pure instinct. 

 

During the week, Phil noticed Dan grow more tired. He woke up and went to sleep even later than he already had been before. He had grown even more grumpy in the mornings and rarely left Phil’s side. 

 

It wasn’t until the fourth night of spooky week that Dan turned up in Phil’s room, clad in his pyjamas and hugging his pillow. He nearly scared Phil half to death, but when Phil noticed Dan’s terrified expression, he decided not to remark on it. 

 

“Dan?” Phil asked tiredly, rubbing his eyes gently. “Dan, you alright?” 

 

Dan shrugged. “Had a pretty bad nightmare. Can I sleep in here?” he asked quietly. 

 

“Yeah, of course.” Phil nodded, raising the duvet. “Get over here.” 

 

Dan quickly made his way to the bed, glancing behind him as he stepped into the dark room. When he climbed into the bed beside Phil, he pressed himself into the other’s chest, still hugging the pillow. 

 

“I’m sorry, Dan.” Phil mumbled, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Dan’s head. 

 

“It’s fine, Phil…” Dan paused for a moment before adding, “I love you.” 

  
Phil smiled. “I love you too.” 


	2. Lights Out Isn't So Bad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I will fucking fight anyone who tells me I can't write Spooky Week fics in April. Seriously, come at me, bro.
> 
> Anyway, short and shitty as I like to call it. Hope you enjoy.

The first time it happened, it was by complete accident. Dan’s phone had fallen off where it rested and, as it was the only light that was being provided (aside from the faint glow of the game they were playing), submerged them in complete darkness. 

 

When this happened, Dan jumped on the chance to kiss his boyfriend on camera, and leaned over, pretending to be engrossed in searching for his phone. 

 

“Fuck.” he mumbled, feigning panic as he pressed his lips to the corner of Phil’s mouth. 

 

“Dan!” Phil squeaked and batted his face away, face flushed a light pink. 

 

Dan then returned his phone to its rightful place and pretended like nothing had happened. 

 

\-----

 

The second time it happened, it was less of an accident and more of a coincidence. Only, this time, it was Phil that made the move. When Dan’s phone fell, once again, due to him smacking his hands repeatedly on the table (as he so often does, seriously, it’s adorable), Phil waited for the perfect moment. He let the battery in the game die, and leaned over, kissing Dan’s lips gently before pulling back, just as confetti rained over the screen. They had survived Night Three.

 

Dan’s blush was more prominent than Phil’s, though he hoped it had been covered by the lack of lighting in the room. He wasn’t going to let anyone see him and Phil doing this. No sir. 

 

\-----

 

The third time it happened, they were playing Five Nights At Freddie’s again. Dan repeatedly took his phone on and off the place where it rested, leaning over to press his lips against Phil’s at the darkest parts of the game. 

 

Phil let him do this, figuring it was perfectly safe. And it was. Nothing happened. Until Bonnie popped up on screen, catching Dan’s focus from the corner of his eye and making him scream. He leaned back far enough that his chair tipped over (again) and he was sent tumbling to the floor. 

  
Phil laughed, pausing their game and moving to turn the lights on. When he did, Dan was staring up at him. He was blushing heavily and the only thing he said was “I hate you”.


	3. Out of Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna do two things of this, one where Phil is on holiday and one where Dan is on holiday. This is the Phil one. Enjoy :)

Three days.  _ Three days _ . Phil had been gone for three days already, on holiday at his parents’ house. Dan was not enjoying that. Not one bit. Every morning he would wake up and wait for Phil, only to remember that Phil wasn’t home. 

 

Phil had promised a Skype call anytime Dan wanted to, so that’s what Dan decided to do. He opened his laptop and smiled when he saw that Phil was online. Hitting the call button, he grinned. Phil answered the call not three rings after. 

 

“Dan!” Phil grinned, his eyes immediately lighting up when he saw the brown-haired boy. 

 

“Hey, Phil.” Dan replied, his own grin spreading over his face.

 

“How’ve you been?” Phil asked with a tilt of his head.

 

“Lonely. Having a three day existential crisis.” Dan shrugged. 

 

Phil laughed, the typically beautiful sound mechanical. The video glitched slightly, causing Phil’s face to freeze a few times. “You - be home - love -” said Phil. 

 

Dan furrowed his brows. “Phil, you’re glitching out. Philly, come back.” 

 

“Losing - connection - bye.” Phil said before the video crashed down. Dan frowned, sitting back. 

 

“Bloody internet…” he muttered. 

 

\-----

 

About an hour later, Dan’s phone began to ring. He scrambled for it, grinning when he saw that Phil was trying to facetime him. He answered quickly. 

 

“Hey, Dan! Sorry about earlier, bad connection.” Phil said as soon as Dan’s smiling face popped up on his screen.

 

Dan laughed and shook his head, eyes significantly brighter than they had been before. “It’s alright, you’re here now.” 

 

“Well...not exactly. But I’m talking to you. And that’s what matters.” Phil replied, nodding a little. 

 

Dan nodded back, laughing again. “Exactly.”

 

\-----

 

Dan and Phil talked with each other for hours. So long, in fact, that Dan had to move to his room to plug his phone in. 

 

“Dan, it’s getting late.” Phil said once he finished his story about his mum and a goose. When he didn’t get a reply, he furrowed his brows. “Dan?” he asked. Though it was hard to see due to the angle Dan had dropped the phone at, he spotted Dan’s sleeping form, shoulders rising and falling steadily.

  
Phil chuckled and plugged his phone in, propping it up against the wall. He turned the lights off in his own room and muttered a small “Love you, Dan.” before closing his eyes.


	4. The One Where I'm Tired AS FUCK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right, so this was written between the hours of 12 AM and 1 AM whilst having a lovely convo with BCM. There's a good chance I'll rewrite this. Sorry, guys, for the shitty writing. I will redo it some time. Promise.

Dan had been having a tough time recently. It had been showing in his mentality, attitude and even his videos. And boy howdy did he look dreadful. He’d stopped eating as much as he normally did, he didn’t care when he caught Phil dumping heaps of  _ his  _ cereal into a bowl. He’d also begun to sleep less - like that was even possible. The dark circles under his eyes, prominent in most lighting during videos, showed just how much sleep he was getting. The hateful comments that had been pouring in from specific people hadn’t helped either.

 

“H-Hey-” Dan started before shaking his head. He cleared his throat into his fist and looked back to the camera, ignoring the lense facing toward him. He hated looking at himself anymore. “Hey, guys. It’s been awhile since I’ve just sat and...and talked. 

 

The first few minutes went fine. Dan talked about he and Phil going shopping a few days ago, one of the few times he’d managed to be dragged out of the house. Though, unlike other videos, each time he looped back to Phil he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t help it: Phil was everything to him. 

 

“A-anyway, Phil is, um...Phil is out for a few hours...gone for groceries, I think.” Dan muttered, his volume slowly dropping. “He, uh, forgot a few things? Cereal, maybe. Maybe bread. I don’t know.”

 

Dan’s breathing grew steadily shakier, his eyes began to water. “He’s been gone for a while now. A few hours. Two, maybe three.” he mumbled. As if on cue, Dan’s phone buzzed. He reached for it. Ah, the hate, right on time.

 

His breathing grew more rapid, hands shaking as he unlocked his phone, mumbling “hold on” toward the camera. His shoulders began to tremble. His unstraightened fringe fell forward into his damp eyes. “Oh…” he whispered. 

 

The tremours shooting through his shoulders became more violent, his breathing stuttering. Tears began rolling down his cheeks, though he did try to blink them back. 

 

“Dan! I’m back!” Phil’s voice rang out as he pushed the door closed with his hip. The paper bags in his hands crinkled as he shifted them, setting them on the counter. “Dan?” 

 

Phil slowly crept for Dan’s room, following the shuddering breaths. Once he happened upon Dan’s door, cracked open due to the carelessness of the younger male, he frowned. “Dan? Are you alright?” He asked quietly and pushed the door open. 

 

There, he saw Dan, hunched over in his desk chair, knuckles white around his phone. The small blinking of the camera caught Phil’s attention next. Dan must have been shooting something. Well, that could wait. 

 

Phil crossed quickly to Dan and shut off the camera, wrapping his arms around the taller boy’s shoulders, pressing him close to his chest. “Hey, Dan, give me the phone.” 

 

Dan merely shook his head, his grip on the phone tightening impossibly further. 

 

Phil sighed quietly and brushed his fingers through Dan’s hair, cooing sweet nothings into his ear. It took a few minutes before Dan finally moved, dropping his phone to the carpet and wrapping his arms around Phil’s middle.

 

“Shh…” Phil whispered. “Shh…it’ll be okay. You don’t have to listen to them. I’m right here. You’re perfect, Dan. You’re perfect. I love you.” 

 

*******

 

It took hours for Dan to finally speak again. They’d been lying on Phil’s bed, wrapped in the duvet with Phil’s arms tight around Dan’s shoulders. His voice was barely audible, raspy from sobbing, but Phil heard it clear as day. 

  
“I love you too…” 


	5. Spooky x2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm Here, I'm Queer, GET USED TO IT!
> 
> This is based on a vine that I've watched on repeat for a long while. So...yeaaaaaaah.

The apartment had been completely silent most of the night, which Phil enjoyed. He’d played a rather terrifying game earlier and he could really do without the creaking of floorboards and the flickering of lights. Still, his laptop screen illuminated the small room as it rested on his chest, his fingers flying over the keyboard as he typed out a reply to one of the many people he talked to on Tumblr. 

 

A small creak drew his attention to the dark hallway. Phil frowned, staring at the door for a moment before returning to the screen. 

 

After a minute, another creak rang through the flat, causing Phil’s shoulders to tense. Clearly he’d been up a little too long. Stupid imagination. He bid his friends goodnight and shut his laptop down, setting it aside before he turned to his side, closing his eyes tightly.

 

Another creak, closer this time, right in the doorway. Phil’s eyes snapped open.  _ ‘It’s not real, Phil, just go to sleep’  _ he thought to himself. 

 

Someone cleared their throat, though, causing Phil to nearly scream as he sat up. He quickly grabbed his phone and turned on the flashlight, shining it at the doorway. There stood a certain brown haired boy, looking rather spooked. 

 

“I had a nightmare. Do you mind if I sleep here tonight?” the boy asked. 

 

“Oh, yeah, sure.” Phil nodded and waited until the boy was under the duvet to turn off the flashlight. 

 

“I’m Dan, by the way.” said the boy. 

  
Phil chuckled. “Nice to meet you, Dan, I’m Phil.” he replied. They bid each other goodnight and closed their eyes. And neither one thought it was weird that Phil’s upstairs neighbour had just broken into his flat. Nope. Nothing weird about that whatsoever. 


	6. Forest Gremlins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyy this work still exists. i promise i'm working on my other two, i'm getting there i swear, but seriously, i cant seem to focus. probably sleep deprivation. anyway, heres this.

Phil Lester wandered about the forest, his blue eyes flickering over the surroundings. The pines towered over him as he strolled, shoes making a soft ‘crunch crunch crunch’ sound with each step he took. He brushed his fringe away from where it felt over his eye as he came to a clearing, taking a quick glance around before his eyes settled on a rather comfortable looking rock right smack in the middle of the clearing.

 

He smiled, shrugging to himself, and strode over, taking his perch on the highest part of the rock. Behind him came a small hissing sound and, slowly, a boy with dark brown hair and equally dark eyes slithered out from behind the rock. 

 

He glared up at Phil, the tips of his pointed ears twitching slightly. He crept up on Phil, watching as Phil sank back with each step the boy took toward him. Eventually, Phil toppled off the rock and into the dirt, letting the boy settle across the rock, his entire body covering its surface.

 

“That is my rock. My rock. Not yours.” hissed the boy.

 

Phil’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry. No one was using, so I just figured…”

 

The boy hissed again, his eyes narrowing as the pupils turned to slits. “My rock.” he growled.

 

Phil nodded. “Alright, alright, your rock, got it, I’ll just be...going then.” 

 

The boy nodded back firmly, a stern look on his face. 

 

Phil scampered away, pulling his jacket tighter around him. As he made his way home, he couldn’t get that boy’s pointed ears, or his nose, or his curious eyes out of his mind.

 

*******

 

The next day, Phil returned to the clearing, a backpack filled with various picnic items slung over his shoulder. With a smirk, he sat on the rock, whistling quietly as he waited for the boy to appear.

 

Sure enough, not two minutes later, the boy snaked his way up to Phil, getting in his face so that he fell back into the dirt like he had the day before.

 

“I knew that’d get your attention.” He grinned, staring up at the boy who had, once again, sprawled himself across the surface of the rock.

 

“My rock.” the boy huffed, his bottom lip stuck out in a slight pout.

 

“Yes, I know. Is that all you can say?” Phil asked, raising a brow.

 

“Don’t mock me.” the boy mumbled. “What business do you have here that you’ve come back?” 

 

“I thought you might like lunch.” Phil suggested, dumping the contents of his backpack into the dirt beside him.

 

“You came back...to have lunch with me?” the boy questioned.

 

Phil nodded and shrugged. “If you want to. If not, I’m sure someone at home would love some of this.”

 

“I never said no!” 

 

Phil smirked. “C’mon then, I’ll even sit in the dirt, not on your precious rock.” 

 

The boy rolled his eyes but slowly crawled into the dirt just in front of Phil, reaching skeptically for one of the many sandwiches he’d brought. “What are you called?” he asked as he nibbled at the corner of the bread.

 

“My name is Phil.” Phil laughed, admiring how adorably innocent the boy looked. “And you are?”

 

“Daniel.” the boy - Daniel - replied.

 

Phil smiled. “I like that, Daniel. It’s nice.”

 

Daniel smiled back, his face going pink. “Thank you. I like Phil too. It suits you.”

 

*******

 

Over the next couple weeks, Phil and Daniel had lunch everyday. Daniel even let Phil sit on his rock. 

 

On the third week, Daniel pulled Phil onto the rock, his face just inches from Phil’s. 

 

“You’re interesting, Phil.” Daniel murmured.

 

“You’re interesting as well, Daniel.” Phil replied, a confused smile spreading over his face.

 

Daniel slowly leaned forward, stopping when his lips were hovering just over Phil’s own.

 

“Daniel.” Phil mumbled.

  
Daniel smirked, moving forward and kissing Phil gently. When he pulled away, he mumbled “my rock” and pushed Phil off the rock gently, giggling quietly.


	7. You Better Work It!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> special guest appearance by Brendon Boyd Urie himself
> 
> Here's the videos that inspired this wonderful work of art:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpqTUhcEmMU
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQtT-Tv_tZ4
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sIBGAh2MTw
> 
> Special thanks to Toadlet for encouraging me to be a weirdo

Dan pushed his way through the crowded backstage, racing for his two teammates and pulling the collar of his black tank top. He stumbled, nearly twisting his ankle. Damned shoes. He took in a dramatic breath and flopped onto one of the stools in front of the vanity, grabbing his glitter nail polish. 

 

“Phil, are they ready for us yet?” he asked, letting his words drag out in a whine.

 

“Oh, Danny-boy,” said Brendon, stepping up to the vanity clad in nothing but a blue tank top, skinny jeans and crimson six inch heels that came to his mid-thighs.

 

Dan laughed at Brendon, shaking his head as he adjusted his own thigh high heels. Although, his were black. It suited him better.

 

Phil soon appeared behind Dan, slowly tugging his own pastel pink tank top over his head. His heels, like the two others’, were thigh high, but pale blue. “Sorry. Got stuck in a hoard of heteros.” he laughed.

 

Brendon and Dan smirked, shaking their heads at the crowd before turning back to Phil. 

 

“So, you’re ready then?” Dan asked. 

 

“Maybe we should go over the routine one more time? Just to be sure.” Brendon suggested.

 

Phil and Dan nodded. Dan stood and got into position beside Phil and Brendon.

 

*******   
  
After doing a run through of the routine, with vocals being provided by Brendon, the three grinned at each other, laughing. “We’re gonna win this bitch.” said Brendon.

  
“Hell yeah.” Dan agreed, pulling a laugh from Phil. “Let’s knock ‘em dead, baby.” he added, turning to Phil and kissing him just as they were called on stage.


	8. Concept Trashed (What A Punny Guy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so i've been trying to get this done for a few days now but it's just...no. it's stupid and based on a conversation toadlet and I had. I dunno. I just don't have the energy to finish it, nor the motivation. So here's what I had done. It's not the greatest but whatever, you're welcome I guess.

“Phil, hey, hey, Phil, Phil.” Dan said, draping himself around his boyfriend’s shoulders from where he stood behind the couch. 

 

Phil, who had been sitting with a mug of coffee and a book, looked up, smiling widely. “Yes, Dan?”

 

“How many lips do flowers have?” Dan asked, a cheeky grin plastered on his face.

 

“Tulips.” Phil replied with a chuckle. 

 

Immediately, Dan’s smile dropped. “Phiiiiiil.” he complained.

 

“What?” Phil asked, shifting to look at Dan properly, setting his mug down on the coffee table during the process. 

 

“You were supposed to ask ‘how many’.” Dan huffed, his lip poking out in a small pout. 

 

“I can’t help it if I’ve heard that one before, Dan.” Phil replied, pinching Dan’s cheek playfully. “Don’t feel too bad about it, love.”

 

Dan huffed again, turning away from Phil. Phil rolled his eyes, a smug smirk playing at his lips. “Daniel, don’t be a child, you know I’m the master of puns.” 

 

“Yeah, but you  _ always  _ get to be the punny one...just once I wanna do one.” Dan muttered, his arms now folded over his chest. 

 

Phil rolled his eyes again. “Dan, you’re being immature.”

 

Dan glanced back at Phil, his pout still prominent. “I’ll be in my room.”

 


	9. How Far We've Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hopefully this will make up for the last chapter.

Phil had always had a habit of bringing up the past during movies. Whether it was a romantic scene that reminded him of when he and Dan would sit in his bedroom for hours on end, just talking about life, or if it was a scene with even the slightest hint that there were two people on a plane, he’d bring up their first VidCon together.

 

And Dan was fine with that. At first. But as the process went on, and Phil continued bringing up their history, he felt it harder and harder to keep calm. It wasn’t that Dan was upset, rather, it was that he was  _ grateful.  _ He was so grateful that Phil had come into his life, but of course he’d never expressed that to Phil. Of course he wanted to, he just didn’t know how. Emotions weren’t his bag. 

 

**\---**

 

They were curled up on the sofa, Phil’s arm wrapped around Dan’s shoulder, his fingers idly trailing through the brown mess Dan called hair (seriously though, his hair is  _ fantastic _ ). Dan was slowly sinking further into Phil’s side, his leg already stuck in the sofa crease. He doubted he’d be getting it back anytime soon.

 

The movie on the screen wasn’t anything Dan had seen before, and he honestly wasn’t really paying attention, as he had been draw into the rhythm of Phil’s fingers playing with his hair. When Phil started speaking was when Dan was drawn back to reality. 

 

The screen showed two teenage boys, one of them stepping onto the tube while the other stood on the platform. Their hands separated as the doors to the tube closed, and then the boy was alone on the platform, watching the tube as it disappeared. 

 

“Reminds me of the first time you came to visit me.” Phil said quietly. “Remember?”

 

Dan nodded slowly, not speaking a word. He remembered. He remembered going home that night and just feeling so empty. He remember how he cried himself to sleep after his dad had threatened to keep him locked up so he couldn’t see Phil again.

 

“Dan?” Phil asked quietly.

 

“Huh?” Dan glanced up, blinking back tears that were forming in his eyes. 

 

“Are you alright?” 

 

Dan nodded, flashing Phil a small smile. “Yeah...I think I’m just...gonna head to bed. Come in whenever you’re ready.” he said, standing up quickly and heading off to their shared bedroom, ignoring both his asleep leg and Phil’s protests. 

 

**\---**

When Phil turned in, Dan was laying silently in the pitch black room, the duvet barely covering his shoulders. Tears had begun to roll down his cheeks at some point, and he let them, a small wet spot growing on his pillow. He only hoped Phil thought he was sleeping. 

 

The mattress dipped when Phil finally climbed into bed, pulling the duvet up and snuggling down under it. He wrapped an arm around Dan, hand resting just over his heart on his bare chest.

 

“You ever just...think about how far we’ve come since then?” Phil asked quietly after a moment.

 

Dan didn’t reply, hoping his last ditch effort to fake sleep was enough. Sucking in a harsh breath, he knew he’d blown it. 

 

“I know you’re not asleep, Dan. I know you too well. Are you alright?” Phil practically whispered into Dan’s hair. 

 

Quickly, Dan turned over, wrapping his arms tightly around Phil’s middle. “I love you.” he whispered, voice barely audible. 

 

Phil, taken aback by Dan’s sudden outburst, tightened his arms around Dan. “I love you.”

 

“Thank you.” Dan whispered again.


	10. Glitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the inactivity as of late, still going through a bit of a rough patch. im sure ill be back at it soon enough. hang in there.
> 
> based on Shane Dawson's simulation conspiracy theory videos. fight me, i thought it was a good idea. besides, its 4 pages and thats the most ive written in like a month so...you're welcome i guess.

Dan had never been one to believe conspiracy theories. He often found them dull, unbelievable or just plain stupid. But recently he’d happened upon Shane Dawson’s youtube channel (don’t ask how because he honestly didn’t know, probably because it was 3 am and he was bored). Of course, the video was his most recent, all about how many people believe that we all live in a simulation and at any given moment, said simulation could crash. 

 

Dan scoffed. He found that to be a rather ridiculous notion. Surely there would’ve been some proof at this point, taking into account how many people actually believe that. Still, he found some part of him hoping that it was true, if only for the excitement of it all. 

 

It wasn’t like his life wasn’t exciting enough, it was that he and Phil had fallen into a routine. And that was great, but he craved something more. Something of an adventure. 

 

“Dan.” Phil groaned, rolling over from where he lay with his back facing Dan. “Dan, shut your bloody phone off and go to sleep.” 

 

Dan smiled a bit, glancing down at the man beside him. Phil was peering up at him with half open eyes, looking like he would nod off again at any minute. “Sorry, I couldn’t sleep.” he mumbled, shutting off his phone and setting it on the bedside table. 

 

Scooting down, he wrapped his arms ‘round Phil’s middle and rested his head on the older’s bare chest. He let out a small hum, nuzzling closer to Phil. “Night.”

 

Phil let his arm drape over Dan’s shoulders, his free hand tangling into the brown mop of curls atop his head. “Night, Dan.” 

 

A content smile settled on Dan’s face as he closed his eyes, slowly drifting into a light slumber. 

 

*******   


When Dan woke up, he found himself wrapped around a pillow, the covers just barely on him as most of them had been kicked off during the night. Slowly, he sat  up, rubbing the heel of his hand into his eye. “Phil?” he asked, voice a bit rough due to having just woken up. 

 

A groan came from the floor, Phil’s head popping up moments later. “G’morning.” he chuckled. 

 

“Did I push you off?” Dan asked worriedly. “If I did, I’m sorry.” 

 

Phil shook his head. “I probably rolled too far.” he assured, standing and brushing himself off. “So, breakfast?” 

 

“Pancakes?” Dan requested as Phil pulled a shirt over his head. 

 

“It’s not pancake day.” Phil pointed out.

 

Dan laughed quietly, shaking his head. “So sue me, I want pancakes. Please, boo?”

 

Phil gave an over dramatic sigh and leaned over the edge of the mattress, pressing a gentle kiss to Dan’s forehead. “Fine, babe, if I must.”

 

Dan grinned, stealing a quick kiss from Phil before he began to walk away. Sitting up on his elbows, he called a small ‘I love you’ as the older left the room. Phil only laughed. 

 

Dan stayed in bed for a few more minutes before deciding he’d better get up. Slowly, he slipped from the warmth of the duvet and moved to Phil’s dresser. He pulled an older shirt from one of the drawers and tugged it on. 

 

As he did so, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His breath caught in his throat. His reflection, though relatively normal, was...off. He looked pixelated, part of his neck cut off so it didn't quite connect with his head. Dan turned his head, finished pulling the shirt on and looked back to the mirror. Again, the reflection was normal.

 

Figuring it was just the last bit of sleep wearing off, Dan headed out to the kitchen, plopping himself on one of the bar stools. Phil turned to him, smirking a little when he noticed Dan wearing his shirt. 

 

“Looks good on you.” he said casually, turning back to his pancakes. 

 

“I know.” Dan teased in return. “Figured I’d wear it out today. My room is so far away.” 

 

Phil laughed, scooping the last of the finished pancakes onto the plate and setting them on the breakfast bar. “I’m okay with that. You’re going to play it off as ‘giving the people what they want’ again, I assume?” 

 

“You know me too well.” Dan replied, stabbing his fork into a couple pancakes and letting them drop onto his plate. Phil did the same as he launched into his (nearly) daily story of what he dreamt the night prior. 

*******

 

“Dan, hurry up!” Phil whined, his hand resting on the door handle. 

 

“I’ll be there in a minute, calm down!” Dan called back from the bathroom. He’d spent nearly ten minutes ‘fixing’ his hair. In reality, he just didn’t feel like going out. Of course he  _ promised  _ Phil he’d go run errands with Phil today, so really he couldn’t back out. Besides, something odd was happening in the mirror again. 

 

Dan brushed his fringe to the side once again, watching as his fingers passed right through the curls resting on his forehead. Again, he brushed his fingers through the hair. Again, his fingers passed right through, as if his hair wasn’t even real. 

 

“Dan, I’m serious, we’ve got to go  _ now _ !” Phil shouted, his tone growing more frustrated. 

 

Dan sighed, shook his head and stepped out of the bathroom, jogging up to Phil, who merely shoved his jacket into Dan’s chest. 

 

“You’ll catch a cold if you go out like that.” was his reasoning. 

 

Dan sent a loving smile to his boyfriend, watching as he returned the look. “Alright, I’m ready now.”

 

“I love you.” Phil said, opening the door slowly. “Now get out there before I push you down the stairs.”

 

Dan laughed, shaking his head. He pulled his jacket on and stepped out of the flat, dragging Phil with him. 

 

*******

 

“Hey, Phil?” Dan said quietly, clutching his Starbucks cup closer to his chest.

 

“Yeah, Bear?” Phil replied with a small hum, turning to give Dan a vanilla chai flavoured kiss. 

 

“Do you see that?” Dan asked, his gaze fixed on the sky. Phil frowned at being denied his kiss, following his boyfriend’s gaze to where it was focused on what seemed to be an aeroplane just hovering in the sky. 

 

“Is that…” Phil started, trailing off when Dan began to nod. 

 

“I think it is…” Dan muttered. 

 

An ear piercing scream brought the two from their trance, eyes flickering to where the noise was coming from. A woman was standing in the middle of the road, staring in horror as the concrete below her split into pixels. Dan began to back away, blindly searching for Phil’s hand. Once he found it, he laced his fingers with the older’s and tugged on his arm. 

 

“Phil...Phil, run. Run!” he said, frantically trying to tug Phil along with him. Phil snapped from his gaze just as the pixels reached his feet. 

 

The two sprinted through the crowd, Dan’s grip on Phil’s hand only tightening when he felt the older’s hand slipping from his own. 

 

It was only a matter of time before Phil began to slow down, his breathing hard. It wasn’t that it wasn't getting hard for Dan to breath, because it was, but he was younger, and he could hold out for longer. And he wasn’t going to let Phil slip away from him. 

 

“Phil, please hurry.” Dan begged, looking over his shoulder. 

 

Phil was staring at Dan, his eyes full of fear. They came to a full stop and Dan turned. 

 

“Phil…”

 

“Bear…” Phil replied quietly, looking down.

 

Dan followed his gaze, his eyes widening. Phil’s foot had been caught by the pixels, which were slowly working their way up his leg. “We...we gotta get you to a hospital. We gotta help you.”   
  


Phil looked back to Dan, flashing a sad smile. “Sorry, Bear. I love you…” he whispered, stepping back into the split in the road. 

 

“Phil!” Dan screamed, reaching for Phil as he fell. 

 

*******   


Dan shot up straight, his eyes flickering wide as he screamed Phil’s name. 

 

“Dan!” Phil yelped, sitting up straight when he heard Dan screaming. “Hey, hey, Dan, baby, are you alright?” 

 

Dan looked at Phil, taking a moment to asses the situation before bringing his hand to Phil’s cheek. “You’re here.” 

 

“I’m here, Dan.” Phil murmured, bringing Dan into a tight hug. “I’m not going anywhere.”


	11. I'm Not A Broken Record

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> heres this thing because psychology, writing practise and im a piece of shit. dont expect much updating. or expect more than normal. i cant promise anything

Dan had been six when his father first came home drunk, stumbling through the front door and grumbling about god knows what. Dan’s mum had gone to bed early, allowing him to stay up until his father got home. Had she known what would’ve happened that night, she would’ve sent him straight to bed. No telly. 

 

Of course, this wasn’t the case. Dan was watching some late night program when James Howell entered the lounge, absolutely  _ reeking  _ of alcohol. ‘What’re you doing up so late, you little brat?’ he’d growled. 

 

Dan hadn’t realised how drunk his father had been. He didn’t realise how angry he was with him until the first blow landed. Dan was on the floor at that point. 

 

The next morning, he began to stutter. 

 

**~~~**

  
  
The pattern continued right up until Dan moved in with Phil at the ripe old age of eighteen. At that point, his life changed. And although Phil was perfect in everyway, he couldn’t seem to rip Dan away from his past. His stutter was as bad as it had ever been, and Dan refused to smile. A few chuckles here and there were all Phil got.

 

And Phil couldn’t understand that. When he and Dan chatted on Twitter and Skype, the boy seemed so happy. Of course there was still his stutter when they Skyped, but Dan was always,  _ always _ , smiling. But when they were in person it was different. Dan was the down in the dumps, hands-in-his-hoodie-and-hair-in-his-eyes type of boy. And Phil barely cracked a smile on those perfect lips. 

 

And then he met Brad. Dan had introduced him as “Bradley Smith”, to which Brad had corrected him. “Just call me Brad” he’d said. ‘Bradley Smith, what a stupid name’ Phil thought as he watched Dan and Brad be all fluffy and...adorable. 

 

No, Brad wasn’t adorable, Dan was. The way his face went red when Brad would say something to embarrass him, or his little giggle when Brad poked his nose. Everything about it was adorable, and Phil hated that he hadn’t beaten Brad to the punch. 

 

So what did Phil do? He went out and got himself a girlfriend. Hannah Ripley, a spunky red head whose style fit perfectly with Phil’s. She even had matching blue eyes and pale skin dotted with freckles. 

 

Dan didn’t bat an eye, much to Phil’s dismay. And with each double date, Phil was inching toward the brink of insanity. 

 

**~~~**   
  


“Hey, Ph-Phil, should I-I-I go wi-ith red or b-blue?” Dan asked quietly from his place in Phil’s doorway, holding up two ties, the red a regular and the blue a bowtie. 

 

Phil shot a glance to Dan, looking over his haphazardly buttoned shirt and wrinkled jeans. He smiled, rolling his eyes and wiggled a finger to beckon Dan over. “C’mere, you weirdo, you look like you were dragged backwards through a hedge.”

 

Dan blushed as he dropped his hands to his sides, making his way to Phil. As soon as he stopped moving, Phil began fixing the buttons on Dan’s shirt, scoffing gently at Dan’s job. 

 

“Dress yourself in the dark?” he teased. 

 

“M-m-m-mostly.” Dan replied, completely serious. 

 

Phil sighed quietly, tilting Dan’s chin up gently. “You nervous?”   
  
“I-it’s j-j-just the f-f-f-first time we’ve g-gone out to th-this nice of a p-p-p-place.” Dan replied, taking a few breaths in between stutters. 

 

“Hey, take a deep breath.” Phil instructed. “In and out. In and out.” 

 

Dan followed Phil’s instructions, taking deep breaths along with Phil’s guidance. It wasn’t the first time they’d had to do this before a double date. “Thanks, Ph-Phil.” 

 

“Don’t worry about it.” Phil replied, brushing Dan’s hair back. “You’re leaving it curly?”   
  
“I think I’m too sh-shaky to-to-to straighten it.” Dan let a small laugh slip. “D-does it look a-a-alright?” 

 

“Dan, stop. Look at me. Breath.” Phil said, cradling Dan’s face in his hands. “You look extremely handsome.” 

 

Dan nodded up at Phil, flashing him a smile. “Thanks…” he mumbled, turning to leave the room. 

 

“Hey, Dan?” Phil called. 

 

Dan glanced back with a quizzical look. 

 

“Go with the blue.” Phil said with a smile. 

 

Dan smiled, nodding slowly and leaving the room. 

 

**~~~**   
  


Dinner was already off to a rocky start. When they arrived that the restaurant, Brad refused to enter (though only Dan noticed) without Dan holding the door for him. And when they sat down, Brad demanded that he sit beside both Dan and Hannah. 

 

And then the waiter came. He was a young man, probably in his mid twenties with deep hazel eyes and bleach blonde hair. Still, even with his hair, he was rather attractive. And rather gay as well. Each time he passed the table, he sent Dan a wink, a smile or a small wave. Dan would blush and send a small smile back, his eyes flickering to Phil immediately afterward.

 

Brad, however, was not at all amused by this. Each time the waiter would send Dan a look, Brad would glare at him, shoulders tensing up slightly. He inched toward Dan, hand resting firmly on the younger’s knee under the table. 

 

“Hi, how are you lovelies tonight?” the waiter asked once he  _ finally  _ came to take their order. 

 

When no one replied, Dan piped up. “F-fine, tha-ank you.” he said with a small smile. 

 

The waiter smiled down at Dan, letting a small chuckle slip. “What can I get you guys?” 

 

Phil spoke first, ordering his meal. Hannah went next, followed by Brad, who ordered for both himself and Dan, despite the fact that Dan had already started opening his mouth when Brad had started with his “and for him…”.

 

Dan frowned, leaning back in his seat. While he was grateful he didn’t have to order for himself, he wasn’t happy about the way Brad had handled the situation.

 

The waiter quickly scribbled down the orders, smiling nervously at Brad. As he turned to leave, Dan spoke up. 

 

“E-exc-cuse me?” he said. 

 

The waiter turned, smiling wider down at Dan. “Yeah?”   
  
Brad’s hand tightened on Dan’s knee, making him wince slightly. “W-w-would you m-m-m-m-mind,” Dan paused, taking a small breath, “mind g-getting me a c-c-coke?”

 

The waiter grinned, nodding slowly and resting his hand on Dan’s shoulder. “Of course. I’ll be right back with that.” he said, dragging his hand along Dan’s shoulders as he walked off. Again, Brad’s grip tightened on Dan’s knee. 

 

**~~~**   
  
  


“What the fuck was that?” Brad hissed, his voice echoing from the lounge to Phil’s room. Even through the closed door, Phil could hear the voices clear as day. 

 

“Wh-wh-what are you talking about?” Dan stammered. He was in the kitchen. Phil knew that’s where he would be. That’s where he always was when Brad was like this, nervously washing dishes or organizing the mugs in the cabinet while Brad went on and on. Dan was normally completely silent, though. 

 

“You were flirting with that waiter all night!” Brad yelped. 

 

Phil could picture him throwing his hands up, or maybe slamming a hand on the breakfast bar, making Dan flinch and drop a dish. Phil would emerge from his room a minute later, faking having just woken up. He’d ask what that noise was, they would lie and say Dan had dropped the dish on accident, and Phil would return to his room. Dan would go to bed once Brad begrudgingly kissed him goodnight and left. 

 

“N-n-n-n-no I wasn-n-n’t!” Dan huffed. Phil heard a plate clatter onto the counter. That was a first. 

 

“Y-y-yes, you were.” Brad shot back mockingly. 

 

“I-I-I-” Dan tried, but Brad interrupted again, starting in on Dan’s stutter. A small whimper came from the kitchen when Brad raised his voice a bit.

 

Phil sat up and frowned. They never got this intense in their arguments. Slowly, Phil crawled out of bed, pulling on a jumper so that he wouldn’t look entirely indecent, considering he was clad in only boxers. He exited his room, peeking round the corner to see Dan pressed back against the breakfast bar with his back to the hallway, Brad towering over him. 

 

“Would you stop it with that stupid stutter? It doesn’t make you special, Howell.” Brad growled. 

 

“I-I-I-I c-c-can’t st-top it.” Dan managed, making an attempt to press further into the counter, as if it would absorb him if he tried hard enough. 

 

Brad scoffed quietly. “Please, you’re just doing it for attention. You can stop anytime you like, can’t you?” 

 

Dan shook his head, another small whimper escaping his throat. “I-I-I pro-omise I c-ca-an’t. I-i-it’s a m-m-m-mental th-thing.” 

 

“Bull _ shit _ .” Brad spat, moving closer to Dan. “You’re a little brat, Daniel. A selfish little brat. And I’m  _ done  _ with it.”  

 

Phil frowned, watching as the younger flinched and turned his head, as if he were expecting some type of hit to be thrown. He decided it was time to intervene, so, putting on the best ‘what the fuck is going on’ facade he could manage, he stepped out with a yawn and a rub of his eyes. 

 

“Dan? What’s goin’ on?” he questioned, hoping the act was believable. 

 

Brad and Dan both turned to look at Phil, Dan quickly wiping his eyes. “H-h-hey, Phil...s-s-s-sorry, d-d-di-idn’t mean to-to w-w-ake you.” 

 

“No, you didn’t wake me, I just heard some shouting and then I heard something drop so...I wanted to make sure you were alright.” 

 

“Y-Y-” Dan started, but Brad, once again, interrupted. 

 

“I was just leaving.” he huffed. “Have a nice night, Howell.”

 

Dan nodded slowly, flinching when Brad shoved past him and slammed the front door behind him. 

 

“Dan…?” Phil spoke quietly once Brad had left, inching toward Dan, his bare feet not making a sound as he walked. 

 

Dan shook his head, backing away as Phil moved closer. “I-I-I-I’m a-a-alr-r-right…” he said softly. 

 

“Dan, you’re not alright. C’mere.” Phil murmured, stopping where he stood, right next to the end of the breakfast bar. 

 

Dan stared at Phil for a moment, shaking harshly. When he didn’t move, Phil took a few more cautious steps toward the younger. Dan didn’t move, so Phil, took the last steps toward Dan, making sure he was right in front of the boy. 

 

Dan peered up at Phil through his curls, eyes still damp. “I-I’m f-f-fine.” 

 

“You’re not fine.” Phil sighed.

 

“I am.” Dan muttered. 

 

“You’re not.” Phil said again. 

 

“I’m-I’m f-fine.” Dan insisted. 

 

Phil sighed, shook his head and tilted Dan’s chin up. “Bear, listen, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, yeah?” 

 

Dan nodded, hesitantly closing his eyes and doing as told. After his third breath, he opened his eyes, find Phil closer to his face than he’d been before. Dan opened his mouth to say something but before he could, Phil had his lips pressed to his own, the motion gentle and loving. Not like brad’s kisses at all. 

 

Once they pulled away, Phil smiled. “You okay?”

 

“Y-yeah…” Dan mumbled, nodding slowly. “I-I’m alr-r-right.” 

 

“Good.” Phil murmured, pressing his lips back to Phil’s. In the moment, Dan knew he truly was alright.


	13. All The Ink In The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pfffffffft what are proper updating schedules? this guy hasn't heard of them that's for sure.

The first time Phil found a note was early in the morning on Pancake Day™. He’d figured he would get up and make pancakes, hoping to have them ready by the time Dan woke up. When he reached for the flour, rather than the usual ‘Avalanche of Doom and Cooking Ingredients’, a small piece of purple stationery paper folded in half, with a swooping ‘Phil’ scrawled across the front in black ink. Phil chuckled and unfolded the note. 

 

On the inside, in the same neat scrawl, read:  **_‘good luck with pancakes. ~Bear’._ **

 

Phil smiled. Throughout the entirety of The Pancakeaning (patent pending), Phil kept glancing to the note, his grin only growing. And the pancakes were the best he’d ever made. 

 

~~~

 

After that, the notes kept coming. Phil would find them everywhere, on the coffee pot and mugs in the kitchen, on the mirror and his toothbrush in the bathroom, even sometimes where Dan would normally be laying beside him in bed. 

 

Each time, the stationery as well as the ink was a different colour. And each time, they grew even sappier than the last. The most recent was when Phil was prepping for their date that night. This note was written on black paper in white ink.  **_‘Look in the hall’_ ** it read. 

 

Phil raised a brow, setting the note down as he pulled on his blazer. When he felt comfortable with the way he looked, he stepped into the hall. Taped to the wall was another note, this one on grey paper with a soft blue tint written in white.  **_‘To the kitchen’_ **

 

Phil followed the note to the kitchen, glancing around the room. On the counter, he spotted another note, this one nearly completely blue. Written in black was:  **_‘nearly there. To the lounge’_ **

 

Slowly, Phil made his way to lounge, which was dimly lit. He stopped at the threshold of the room, glancing to where a pastel blue note rested. In silver ink, the word  **_‘Will’_ ** was scrawled. 

 

Another note about a foot into the room, the same pastel blue and silver ink:  **_‘You’_ **

 

By this point, Phil’s heart was racing. He felt like it might beat out of his chest. Again, another word scrawled in silver over blue was written.  **_‘Marry’_ ** ****_  
_ **_  
_ ** Phil swallowed thickly as he rounded the corner of the couch. There, sitting on the coffee table, was the final note. While it was the same pastel blue, the word was written in gold.  ****_‘Me’_

 

Phil’s eyes, now blurred by tears, flickered around the room, landing on his boyfriend coming down the hall with his hands behind his back. He was clad in a black tuxedo, his hair perfectly curly and falling - just slightly - over his eye. When Dan was directly in front of Phil, he dropped to one knee, bringing his hands round to his front. In the left, rested a small black box shaped like a heart because he’s cheesy that way. 

 

“Phil Lester,” he began, smiling a bit when Phil choked out a small squeak, “you have been with me, through good times and bad. You’ve been there through my happiest times, and you’ve nursed me to health when I was sick - that couldn’t have been easy.”   
  
Tears were rolling down Phil’s cheeks now, his hands clasped over his mouth, the note still clutched between two fingers. Still, Dan continued.

 

“We’ve been there for each other for eight  _ amazing  _ years, and I think it’s time. Philip Michael Lester, will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?” 

 

Phil squeaked again, this time more of a wavering whimper, as he frantically nodded. Dan stood, his eyes lighting up.

 

“That’s a yes?” he asked, because as obvious as Phil’s answer was, he wanted to hear it. 

 

“Yes!” Phil yelped, throwing his hands up. “Yes, you spork, a million times yes!” when he finished, Phil took Dan’s cheeks in his hands and pulled him into a passionate kiss, giggling quietly. 

 

While they kissed, Dan slipped the ring onto Phil’s finger, his own giggles slipping through the kiss. Phil slowly pulled back, his forehead resting against Dan’s, the tips of their noses brushing together.

 

“I love you so much, Bear.” he whispered. 

 

Dan let out a breathy laugh, his eyes flickering up to meet Phil’s. “I love you too, so much, and all the ink in the world couldn’t even begin to express that.”


	14. Angst Fest for school project

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> guess who the FUCK is alive

 

“This is the first day of my life seeing colour. I mean...it’s dull, but it’s there.” said Dan, his hands clasped tightly between his knees. Across from him, on the opposite couch, sat Louise, PJ and Chris. Dan’s leg was bouncing like mad, causing his entire body to vibrate along with it. 

 

“Alright, mate, the first thing you need to do is quit bouncing that damned leg of yours.” PJ said, tossing a pillow from his couch to Dan. Dan, upon catching it, immediately wrapped his arms around the pillow, burying his nose into it and peering up at the others. 

 

“Now then,” Louise started, clapping her hands as she stood, “I reckon you’re asking us to tell you  _ who  _ your soulmate is?” she began pacing, Dan’s eyes following her as she walked from one end of the couch circle to the other.

 

“Obviously.” came Dan’s muffled voice from behind the pillow. 

 

“It really shouldn’t be a mystery, Dan.” Chris said as he casually leaned back and flopped his arm behind PJ, resting it on the back of the couch. 

 

“It shouldn’t.” PJ agreed with a nod. 

 

Louise stopped and turned to PJ and Chris, raising a brow. “You think so?” 

 

“I mean, who else could it be? It’s not me, it’s not Chris and it’s certainly not you. Dan doesn’t know many other people, Lou.” PJ explained. 

 

Chris snorted quietly. “More like  _ any  _ other people, Peej.” 

 

Louise rolled her eyes at the boys and turned to Dan. “As ridiculous as those two are, they do have a point. How many other people do you know outside of us?” 

 

Dan thought for a moment, furrowing his brows as if it would help him remember. After about a minute, he spoke. “Just Phil, really. I mean, unless you count my classmates.” 

 

Louise smirked. “There you go, Dan. You just answered your own question.” she said rather pompously, turning to PJ and Chris. “Boys, let’s be off.”

 

PJ and Chris stood, following Louise to the door. Dan followed quickly on their heels. “Wait!”

 

Louise watched as the two other boys left, turning to Dan. “Sweetie, I love you, you know that, but sometimes you’re just as thick as Chris.” she said and pat Dan’s shoulder.

 

Dan opened his mouth to say something but Louise was already gone, closing the door gently behind her. He was left staring at his front door, mind and heart racing a mile a minute. 

 

~~~

 

Dan sat on his bed, cross legged and wearing his favourite pyjamas. In his hand sat his phone, the bolded  **‘Phil Lester’** staring up at him, almost taunting him. He took a quick glance around his room before closing his eyes and hitting the dial button. He brought his phone to his ear and waited. 

 

Around four rings later, Phil’s voice came through the speaker, a bit raspy sounding. He must’ve been sleeping. 

 

“Dan?” asked Phil. Dan could basically see him sat up in bed, the only light in the room coming from his phone and the moon shining through the window he’d forgotten to close before bed. His hair was probably sticking up in ten different places too, the black fringe having been pushed back into a quiff by his pillows. 

 

“Hi, Phil. I know it’s late but can you come over?” Dan asked, his fingers wrapping tightly around a loose piece of thread from his pants and tugging so it snapped. 

 

“Dan,” Phil groaned, sighing into the phone, “It’s like 1 am. What’s so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow?”

 

“Please.” Dan said, his voice nearly pleading. “Just...you’ll understand when you get here. Please?” 

 

Another sigh from the other line told Dan that Phil was not at all happy about this, but when he spoke, he was calm, so Dan wasn’t too worried. “Fine, Dan. But you have to make me coffee in the morning.”

 

Dan nodded, though Phil couldn’t see. “Yeah, alright.” 

 

“ _ And  _ you have to make me hot chocolate by the time I get there.” Phil added. Dan could hear the smirk in his voice, but he really didn’t care. 

 

“Deal. I’ll see you soon. Bye.” Dan said and frantically hung up, flopping back into his mattress. The top of his head smacked on the headboard, making him flinch, but he payed no mind. After a moment of regaining composure (and letting the throbbing sensation in his head die down), Dan jumped up to prepare the hot chocolate. 

 

~~~   
  


Dan’s stomach was twisting by the time the gentle knock of Phil’s hand came. He managed to call out an “open!” before leaning back against the counter. The door clicked open, creaking softly as it swung open then shut behind Phil.

 

“Dan?” Phil asked, quietly as if he thought Dan might be sleeping. Since when did Dan sleep?

 

“Kitchen.” Dan called back, dropping a few marshmallows on top of the whipped cream. Phil appeared behind him just as the last marshmallow dropped, his breath ghosting over Dan’s hair. 

 

Dan whipped around, his eyes flickering up to Phil’s face. “Jesus, Phil!” he huffed out. “Warn a man next time!” 

 

Phil chuckled, his tongue poking out from between his teeth. “Sorry. Forgot you were that jumpy.” 

 

Dan rolled his eyes, grabbing Phil’s mug and holding it out for him. “Marshmallows. Whipped cream. Dark chocolate mix.” he said, his face growing steadily redder. 

 

Phil smiled down at Dan, taking the mug from him. As he did so, his fingers brushed over Dan’s knuckles, causing the brunette to yank his hand back. The mug nearly dropped, but thank god Phil had a good hold before it did. 

 

Dan’s blush darkened as he ducked his head, motioning silently for Phil to take a seat. He then excused himself for a moment, disappearing into his room. 

 

~~~

  
  
“So,” Phil began after finishing off the rest of his hot chocolate, licking his lips to clear any liquid that had tried to escape, “what is so important that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” 

 

Dan sighed, looking down at the table. “You’re gonna think this is insane, alright?” 

 

Phil nodded, his hands still wrapped around the mug. “Sure.” 

 

“Just...stick with me on this, yeah? I’m gonna ask you one question first, and that’ll decide if I even want to continue with this.” Dan said before launching straight to the topic. “Can you see colour?” 

 

Phil gave Dan a confused look, shaking his head slightly. “No, I can’t. I haven’t met my soulmate yet, remember? Remember how single I am?” 

 

Dan’s breath caught in his throat. The knot in his stomach grew tighter and he stood. “Right. Sorry. Never mind. You should go.” he murmured. 

 

Phil stood as well, a worried look crossing his face. “Dan…”

 

“I said  _ go _ .” Dan snapped, turning to Phil. His expression wasn’t angry, more sad, really. 

 

Phil frowned, holding his hands up. “Dan, what did I say? Was it about the colour thing? Because you know that-” 

 

“Get out!” Dan said, his voice rising slightly. 

 

“Dan, just tell me what I-”

 

“ _ Out _ !” Dan shouted, pointing at the door. 

 

Phil nodded, backing toward the door. He left without saying a word, leaving Dan confused and on the verge of tears. 


	15. A Vent Fic? On My Account? More Likely Than You Think. FREE PC CHECK!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so i wrote this in the car on the way to my aunt's wedding, which is my excuse for it being kinda shitty. but i was just thinking about how i would explain to a child how i was trans, and the no-shirt-binder choice was because my main bitch doesn't like shirts xD. Enjoy!

Dan and Phil had been dating for quite some time now, nearly four years. They’d met in Dan’s junior year of high school, at a bar the younger and his friends had thought was a good idea.

The only issue was that Dan was extremely gay, and extremely anxious that he would be mistaken for one of the very straight wome n in the place. 

 

~~~

 

See, the thing about Dan was that he was born a girl. He’d never felt like one, never dressed like one, nor did he act like one. Dan was a boy, plain and simple. 

 

When Dan came out to his family, they didn’t question him. His mother merely smiled, while his father chuckled. 

 

“We know, son.” He’d said gently with a shake of his head. 

 

And that was that. There were no further conversations about it.

 

~~~

 

Phil had started the conversation between them. He was quiet, far quieter than the college kids Dan had met.

 

“You don’t look old enough to be here.”

 

Dan had looked to Phil, snorted in disbelief, and smiled. “How so?”

 

“Dude, you look fourteen.” Phil had responded with a chuckle.

 

Dan stared at Phil for a solid minute, before snorting again and shaking his head. He had buried his face in his hands to mask the giggle leaving his throat.

 

They’d exchanged numbers at the end of the night, and ended up talking for nearly six months before meeting again.

 

~~~

 

Dan sometimes thought back to that night, and remembered how far he and Phil had come. He’d gotten on T nearing the end of senior year, and in just a few months, he was getting top surgery. 

 

Dan had cried when he’d been approved. Waves of relief washed over him, and, except for when he and Phil started dating or when he finally started T, that was the happiest moment of his life. 

 

~~~

 

“Baby, what about this one?” Phil asked from the spot behind Dan. They’d been in the thrift store for nearly an hour, as Phil had insisted on taking Dan there for their anniversary. 

 

The brunette turned to Phil, chocolate eyes scanning the item he was holding as he tugged at the collar of his binder.

 

It was a deep grey tank top, with black lettering that faintly read the word ‘Muse’ in all caps.

 

Dan let out a gentle, indecisive groan and shrugged. “I’m not into tank tops, love. You know that.” 

 

Phil scoffed playfully and rolled his eyes as he slipped the shirt back on the rack. He then moved toward Dan, kissing his forehead gently.

 

“I know. But it was worth a try.”

 

Dan laughed gently, slipping his arms around Phil’s waist. “I told you you didn’t have to bring me here.”

 

Phil shrugged. “But I wanted to. ‘Cause I love you.” He said, leaning in to kiss his lips.

 

The second their lips touched, Dan felt a light tug on his pant leg. He parted from Phil and looked down to a little girl, her eyes bright blue and her hair extremely red.

 

“‘Scuse me!”

 

Dan laughed gently, grinning at the girl. “Hi.” he said gently.

 

The girl smiled at Dan and pointed at his binder. “Why’s your shirt so weird?” she asked, eyes sparkling in the dim light of the shop.

 

Dan looked down to his binder clad chest - he hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt that morning. “Oh...it’s called a chest binder.” he said and knelt down so that he wasn’t talking down to the girl. “Do you wanna feel it?”

 

The girl nodded, and Dan offered his shoulder. The girl reached out slowly, her small fingers running over the nylon fabric of the binder. She giggled, then turned her attention to Dan again.

 

“Why’da wear it?”

 

Dan glanced to Phil with a small chuckle, then looked back to the girl. “Because I was born with a girl’s body, but I’m a boy. This makes me flatter, and it helps me feel less bad about myself.” he explained.

 

The girl stared at Dan, looking a little lost. He nearly back tracked, scared that he’d confused her, but then she broke into a giggle. “Oh!” she grinned. “My sissy is like that! But she’s stuck in a boy’s body.” 

 

Dan couldn’t help but laugh at the girl’s lisp as she pointed to who Dan thought was the girl’s mother. Indeed, Dan could see that the girl’s sister was just barely starting her transition. He smiled fondly and waved shyly. 

 

The woman waved back, then returned to the rack of dresses she was looking through.

 

“That’s really cool.” Dan said, ruffling up the little girl’s hair.

 

The girl giggled, but before she could reply, Phil tugged lightly at Dan’s shoulder. 

 

“We should get going, babe.” 

 

Dan nodded, and stood. “You have a good day, okay?” he said to the girl. “And wish your sister the same?”

 

The girl nodded, waving to Dan. “Bye-bye, mister!”

 

She rushed back to her sister, and Dan laughed gently. “Cute…” he muttered.

 

Phil snaked his arms around Dan’s waist. “Not as cute as you.” he purred. 

 

Dan rolled his eyes, leaning back and snorting. “Shuddup, dork.”

 

“You love me”

 

“I do.” Dan sighed, and turned to kiss Phil gently.


End file.
